Sometimes I wish that I believed in any god.
Sometimes I wish I had something to beg forgiveness from.
Sometimes I wish that I could say that, he chose this path.
He intended for me to have this struggle.
He wanted me to fight and cry.
To hurt to really hurt.

This must be when people find faith.
Find something to blame.
Find somewhere else to direct the feelings.
Up and up and up into the air.
Let the feelings go chant and pray to him.

I will not find faith.
I will not realize him.
I will not give him power.
I will live in my body and conquer the obstacles.
I will take responsibility for the cosmic odds.
I will be who I am.

A new Oklahoma law that will allow the state to publish detailed information about abortion patients online has created uproar from critics who view it as a blow to women’s rights and is providing the latest fodder in the debate over online-data privacy.

The Huffington Post reported that the law, which would go into effect Nov. 1, would require Oklahoma women who have abortions to disclose the following details:

* Date of abortion
* County where the abortion is performed
* Age of mother
* Marital status
* Race of mother
* Years of education
* State or foreign country of residence of mother
* Total number of previous pregnancies

I am a loyal subscriber to the WKuK, and absolutely adore their satirical, bawdy, and raw humor. This skit while humourous needs to be examined more closely. Most WKuK skits, have an outrageous aspect that lets the viewer know this is a joke; this particular skit in general is just demeaning and mocks the emotional status of women.

Note: Being emotional isnt wrong, bad, weak, feminine..etc its just being emotional.

I love feminism in that it has the power to examine the things that incessantly invade our consciousness. Being aware of this kind of advertising lets us free ourselves from its grips awareness is key to a truthful life. As someone who has suffered from disordered eating for their entire life this is particularly meaningful.

“Well, food television  is the quintessence of conspicuous consumption. We consume the programs, the products, the lifestyles, and then u;ultimately the food, off-screen. Its about the most basic kind of consumption. We’re consumers of the Brithishness and the sexiness of Nigella [Lawson] and Jamie Oliver, of the wealth of people like Ina Garten, and Martha Stewart. WHile all tlevision urges s to consume, food TV explicitly teaches us how to consume, and primes ys to consume unabashedly [with the] unspoken promise that consuming will bring satisfaction and a connection to that fantasy world.

“The industries hardest hit by the recession–manufacturing and construction– are overwhelmingly male, while heavily female areas of health care and education are still growing jobs.”

“The encouragement to “green” one’s wardrope could be interpreted as an extension of the recessionista’s urge to buy thoughtfully, a preemptive way to quell buyers remose with green hued rationalization, or, perhaps a clue from fashion editors find all this “responsibility” stuff interchangeable.”

Going to trader joes tommorrow, ran out of food. This feeling contributes to binging. Fearing no food.

After a full day of activity and a challenging yoga practice I had this deep kind of hunger, I actually felt empty inside eating felt good. I felt like I was fueling my body. Giving my muscles life.

Yesterday I didnt do much of anything at all, except a yin yoga practice. A restorative saturday morning class. I also ate about 7 meals. Wasnt hungry, I was eating to protect. My body seemed to be in self preservation mode. Or maybe feast. I woke up this morning bloated knowing I ate too much yesterday. While I was eating I wasnt particularly stressed. I want to look more in the effects spironolactin has. I think it causes some effect on cravings. I really wanted salty food. I think just the act of binging made me want that white chocolate. I’ve just to not buy it. Just got to not buy it. It also cant be ignored that I was stoned yesterday, but it seemed to make the pain pretty managable, so I dont know what the trade off is. Is the side effect of medical marijuana fueling my eating problems? Yes it sure is.

I tend to eat the same foods over and over again. I ruin them with my binges. This is a shame because I tend to like those foods.

PB and J, Cinnamon Life, Seitan Sausages, French Bread, WHITE Chocolate should probably go on the do not buy list.

I need to think about harm reduction with the side effects of marijuana, how can I help protect myself from the increased appetite side effects?

Before or After I eat?
What time of day is most effective for managing my pain balanced with my battle with food?

Im thinking about every time I smoke I’ll immediately go walk around the park, get my mind off food, get the blood flowing to my leg. Let the medicine seap in. Im also talking to some more experienced folks about using edibles, as a better way to control pain and minimize side effects. I’d sure

Things I do to make myself feel better.
-Eat
-Spend Money
-Have sex

Its funny how often those things don’t make me feel better.

Things that might actually make me feel better.
-Eating and owning up to what I eat on this blog. Eating in moderation doesn’t seem to be my problem anymore, I eat when I’m bored (which is often because, I’m not doing a whole lot right now) I eat when I’m upset. Cant do those things. just cant Ellie. Just cut it out.
-Stop spending money, things don’t make you happy, in fact they make you feel like your parents which definitely doesn’t make you happy.
-Having sex with people who make me feel good and not bad. Not-men. Namely people I actually like.
-Drink lots of water.

Breakfast:
the rest of tia’s oj